My incredible wife and I are celebrating 13 years of marriage and launched “the most fun-condensed week since our honeymoon.” Like a cranky toddler, I agreed to this barrage of engagements on the stipulation that I am to be well-fed and afforded frequent naps on the itinerary. I landed back in NorCal from a storied trip to Chicago last Saturday afternoon, with just enough time to rest up for the gauntlet. My mom scored awesome seats to the Sunday night game between the 49ers and Cowboys at Levi’s Stadium. The walk from the parking lot into the stadium felt longer than the two-hour drive to Santa Clara. We arrived home around midnight dog tired with Taco Bell in hand and a 7:00am alarm looming.

The plan was to be on vacation the whole week, but a lack of coverage at work had me dragging my keister in for one extremely busy Monday shift. Once home, it was time to pack for another stop-and-go slog into the Bay Area. My wife and I are mega fans of Benjamin Tod and Lost Dog Street Band and had purchased VIP tickets back in June when the tour dates showed they were headed our way. We booked a room for the night in Union Square and my feet still hurt from stomping my boots all night to the beat. It was an incredible time that featured robot room service burgers and french toast, along with gifting Benjamin some hot sauce.

Our voices are still creaking in preparedness for Halloween festivities, followed by a mountain cottage escape for El Dia de los Muertos. Bloody Marys and an outdoor hot tub alongside a breathtaking meadow in the shadow of Mount Lassen await. The final bylaw etched into my agreement was an interruption-free Sunday on the couch with Scott Hanson and NFL RedZone. Compromise truly is the key to a thriving union. She’s a saint for bookending our mega week with an IV drip of football. Here’s to 13 more and another smashing week of fantasy football.

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Fantasy Football Hot Takes: Week 9

Bijan Robinson is the Last Straw with 200 Scrimmage Yards and Two Touchdowns; Dallas Starts the Teardown After a Two-Score Drubbing by the Falcons

One thing I learned from seeing the Dallas Cowboys in person is they are a horrendous football team. Mike McCarthy’s utter lack of leadership trots out an undisciplined team every week. Their only hope is for CeeDee Lamb to bail them out with his heroics. Honestly, the rest of the team absolutely stinks. The porous run defense has been gashed all year. Bijan Robinson is primed for a legendary spike week for fantasy managers. Kirk Cousins has been lethal, especially when given time to throw to his weapons. Dallas offers no pass rush without Micah Parsons, who is very questionable to play.

Dak Prescott is an elite passer, but a terrible decision-maker. This is a disheartening combination for an offense with the worst running game in the NFL. Jerry Jones has burnt this team to the ground and relieved himself on the ashes. Another embarrassing loss and he might stop gaslighting us about it.

Rams are Actually Really Good with Their Healthy Stars; Matthew Stafford Goes for 400 Passing Yards in 10-Point Road Win Over Seattle

With the rash of injuries suffered by top wide receivers this season, it felt so good to reinstall Cooper Kupp and Puka Nacua back into fantasy lineups. Matthew Stafford shared in that euphoria with four touchdown passes. I think he keeps that mojo flowing against a Seattle defense that was torched by Buffalo last week. Kyren Williams is still the bell cow back we don’t deserve. His touchdown streak is very likely to continue.

Geno Smith was smothered by the Bills but should have an easier time versus the Rams. This offense needs a healthy DK Metcalf to be explosive down the field. Kenneth Walker might be the safest play in fantasy this week. The Rams held up well against Aaron Jones last Thursday, but have otherwise been exploitable in the running game.

Romeo Doubs Bullies Lions on the Outside and Goes for 100 Yards and a Touchdown; Packers Win Shootout with Detroit that Hits 70-Point Total

Peak football is on the menu for NFC North fans. The league’s best division offers another beaut this week with the Packers’ and Lions’ first clash of 2024. For my money, the two best offensive minds in the game are Ben Johnson and Matt LaFleur. Fire up Jared Goff and Amon-Ra St. Brown. No need to choose between Jahmyr Gibbs and David Montgomery. Don’t overthink whether Sam LaPorta is your starter. He is.

Green Bay is a bit more complicated. Jordan Love is nursing a groin strain. He is tracking to play, but not at one hundred percent. Josh Jacobs gets a huge boost if Malik Willis is the guy, but Detroit is among the best at stopping the run. Jayden Reed and Christian Watson, even Dontayvion Wicks, get more fanfare and excitement than starting X receiver Romeo Doubs. Love trusts the Nevada grad with boundary throws, especially in the red area. If he continues to produce at this level of consistency, we simply can’t keep ignoring him. Don’t forget about Tucker Kraft, either. Neither defense is in for much success, so we should see some gaudy scoring.

Vikings Suffocate Joe Flacco‘s Colts on Sunday Night and Hold Them Without a Touchdown; Justin Jefferson Goes Completely Ballistic With 10-Reception, 170-Yard Aerial Show

Jim Irsay just couldn’t stand not being mentioned among the league’s most insufferably meddlesome owners. Jerry Jones and David Tepper were getting all the attention, so the Colts’ mercurial financier pulled the plug on first-round quarterback Anthony Richardson after just 10 starts. Shane Steichen gritted his teeth to announce it was his decision to announce Joe Flacco as the starter going forward, an obvious lie. Richardson wasn’t doing great, but his receivers dropped a half dozen passes on Sunday. To bench someone this early in their career after spewing nonsense that they would develop their inexperienced signal caller on the field is an affront to the fanbase. Flacco will be under constant duress in Minnesota and the move will appear even more idiotic in retrospect. Josh Downs and Jonathan Taylor are the only start-worthy players this week, I’m afraid.

The Colts aren’t very good. They have one quality win over the Steelers. Their defense is ripe for the picking on Sunday night. Justin Jefferson is still getting better somehow. Sam Darnold didn’t kill the superstar receiver’s fantasy value and has been more than serviceable this season. He is an intriguing stream option this week. Jordan Addison has been inconsistent, but he is another high-ceiling player in a lovely matchup. The best news this week is that TJ Hockenson is a “full go” on Sunday night against the second-worst unit at defending tight ends. This will be an onslaught of embarrassment for Irsay and the baby horsies.