Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls…I finally bleeping nailed one! Heck, I was 37 receiving yards from Terry McLaurin from hitting twice in Week 8. As promised, the victory lapping hasn’t slowed down since Trey McBride cashed in with more than 10 targets, a touchdown, and the Cardinals pulled a rabbit out of the hat to somehow cover the 9.5 point spread against the Ravens. Arizona cut the lead to 10 with a late touchdown, but the two-point conversion to cover was unsuccessful. They then proceeded to recover the improbable onside kick and quickly booted a field goal to pull within a touchdown.

I still remember thinking two-legged predictions were spicy. Correctly predicting a three-part hot take is insanity. One commenter thought my blurb from last week’s column was a recap and was rather confused by my grandiose celebration of a solid game from the second-year TE from Colorado State. Hats off to McBride. Thank you, sir.

Week 9 has a really fun slate on tap. Perhaps the most eagerly anticipated game kicks off at 6:30 in the morning here in California. Thankfully, it will feel like 7:30 with the end of Daylight Savings time when the Dolphins and Chiefs kick off in Frankfurt, Germany. I will be spending the rest of the day at the resort spa, celebrating my 12th wedding anniversary (and my incredible prediction. The good news is the men’s locker room is usually empty and has a lounge with a gigantic TV screen tuned into Red Zone.

I’m not going to rest on my laurels and cheapen the effort to try and create a winning streak. I’m going full bore into this slate with a peculiar and mischievous imagination. It’s bonfire season, and I’ve got my mittens around a hot toddy with flames flickering in my eyes. Let’s dig in.

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Week 9 Fantasy Football Hot Takes

Dallas Goedert Rips Through Cowboys Cover-3 to the Tune of Two Touchdowns; Eagles Sack Dak Prescott at Least Five Times and Beat Their Rivals by 20 Points

Teams that play with physicality have manhandled my beloved Cowboys this season. No team has been better than the Eagles this season, who bludgeon their opponents in the trenches on both sides of the ball. The Cowboys are near the top of the league at defending every offensive position except TE, where they are in the middle of the pack. Goedert has been much more involved in the passing game in recent weeks, with two top-five performances in the last four games. Look for Jalen Hurts to get rid of the ball quickly to avoid Dallas’ league-leading pass rush.

On the other side of the ball, the Cowboys offense has been a dysfunctional mess this season. It took Mike McCarthy until last week to realize that CeeDee Lamb is someone to feature in the game plan. The offensive line has been banged up, while Dak Prescott seems to have zero awareness of where his mismatches are at the line before the snap. It also appears that McCarthy has removed a lot of Prescott’s latitude to adjust protections and audible receivers into favorable routes. The Eagles haven’t been a good pass defense this season but have feasted on QBs who lock onto their first read. Dak has reverted into a lot of bad habits this season, like holding onto the ball too long when his first read is covered and taking unnecessary sacks in inopportune times. Dallas has folded like a lawn chair against good teams, and Philly is the best team.

Jonathan Taylor is Shane Steichen’s “Hot Hand” and Scores 30 PPR Points; Colts and Panthers is a Classic With At Least Three Lead Changes

Zack Moss hasn’t been a viable running back for fantasy purposes in years. Just two seasons ago, Jonathan Taylor was the RB1. He’s amazing. Shane Steichen is a really sharp offensive mind, but “riding the hot hand,” as he describes his baffling RB timeshare, is like taking the stairs to the top floor when you’re late to a meeting. JT is among the best RBs on the planet and just keeps proving it. Moss is a nice surprise this season, but outright favoring him over Taylor is idiotic.

The Panthers are the second-worst team in the NFL at defending RBs, allowing more than 220 PPR points to the position in seven games. Though I can certainly advocate for a Moss spot start in season-long fantasy, I’m loading up on all the JT in DFS and betting props. I think he breaks off a couple of long touchdown runs and stays in the game as Steichen’s “hot hand.” Watch out for the putrid Colts’ pass defense to cough up just as many plays to Bryce Young and the young Panthers. This will be a fun one to watch.

Tua Tagovailoa Makes Aggressive Chiefs Pay with Four Touchdown Passes; Dolphins Rack Up 450 Yards of Offense and Beat the Defending Champs by Two Touchdowns

I don’t think the Chiefs are good enough to win the Super Bowl this season. They were thoroughly whipped by the Broncos last week in an embarrassing team performance. They now have to somehow slow down the breakneck Dolphins offense in Frankfurt, Germany on Sunday morning. The Steve Spagnuolo defense has been very strong this year, thanks to the growth of their young secondary. Those guys are about to have a really long day in Deutschland.

It would honestly shock me if Miami didn’t shadow Travis Kelce with Jalen Ramsey this week. The rest of Patrick Mahomes‘ weaponry is absolutely abysmal by comparison. I don’t know how they rebound from only nine points in Denver to keep pace with the track team on the other side of the field. Tua Tagovailoa gets rid of the ball so quickly, giving a blitzing defense like Kansas City a tough assignment to not crack like peanut brittle in man coverage on Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle. I also foresee another huge game for the league’s second-leading rusher, Raheem “Must-Start” Mostert.

Christian Watson Has His First Splash Game for the Best Ball Bros and is a Top-12 WR; Packers Right the Ship with a Win over the Rams in a 60-point Shootout

One of the more outspoken opinions this offseason was my disdain for Christian Watson’s average draft position (ADP). He was going much too early in drafts, thanks to a truly remarkable four-game stretch in the middle of last season. That sort of game hasn’t materialized in 2023, but an athletic freak like Watson is bound to pop off at any moment. CeeDee Lamb isn’t known for blinding speed, but he put the Rams’ secondary in a blender last week. Watson running verts and deep digs and crossers like Lamb did will absolutely stretch this defense to its snapping point. If only Jordan Love were any good…

Love has been good this season, just not recently. The running game with gimpy Aaron Jones hasn’t kept defenses honest on the play-action passes that make the LaFleur offense so deadly. As Jones rounds back into form, more space will open up behind the linebackers for streaking gazelles like the second-year pro from North Dakota State. Green Bay’s defense is struggling, too, so Love better put some points on the board if they expect to win this game.

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