In each of the first two weeks, one of my spicy predictions has been a close shave away from being perfect. Last week, Daniel Jones turned in the top QB performance of the week, and the Giants scored more than 30 points in a comeback win over the Cardinals. Unfortunately, the third leg of that wild shot at clairvoyance fell short when Darren Waller ended the week as TE4. So close.

To reiterate, I won’t victory lap on social media without perfection, and I won’t dilute the spice level for a higher win percentage. Just like the Pad See Ew I ordered a few days ago, we’re going Thai Hot…LEVEL 5. The noodles on the bottom of the plate have bad intentions, but I’m going to grin and bear it to flex my machismo. Improbable but plausible is my realm. Through educated reasoning, I will try to predict the wildest outcomes in Week 3. Here is what I came up with.

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Fantasy Football Hot Takes

Chargers and Vikings Combine for 60 Points in Overtime Thriller; Kirk Cousins and Justin Herbert are QB1 and QB2 on the Slate

It doesn’t appear that either of these teams has enough backbone to win a game this season. Barring a tie (that could honestly happen here), one of these playoff teams from 2022 will earn their first win on the young campaign. The Chargers have been chargering hard in both games to urinate away late leads, while the Vikings have fallen short against the Bucs and Eagles.

Austin Ekeler is questionable for Week 3 with his ankle sprain but is “making progress.” Minnesota just went out and acquired Cam Akers, which might already yield more newsworthy reports than the games he will play for them. The real story, for fantasy’s sake, centers around the passing attacks. Justin Herbert is finding a groove in Kellen Moore’s system, while Kirk Cousins is enjoying TJ Hockenson and Jordan Addison running scot-free through coverage opposite megastar Justin Jefferson. Bank heavy on the over in this one.

Justin Fields Passes for 250 Yards and Rushes for 100; Chiefs are First Team to Score 50 Points This Season

Luke Getsy is trying his hardest to strangle his young QB’s development. Fields has also struggled, blaming an inundation of intrusive thoughts for his “robotic” play thus far. Sure, Justin. That must be it. He also mentioned he was going to play more reactionary going forward, which can only mean he scrambles from the pocket more quickly instead of waiting for the four guys running the same route three feet from one another to break open in coverage before the offensive line disintegrates magically.

The Fields’ prediction is a hopeful one that the Chiefs will be resting up for Week 4 by the third quarter and will invoke the “mercy rule.” Maybe the Chiefs’ defense and special teams score a couple of times. Maybe Kelce scores all the touchdowns; I don’t really know. It might just be the Justin Watson and Clyde Edwards-Helaire show for all I know, but KC, by a staggering margin, is not spicy based on two weeks of tape.

Commanders Improve to 3-0 With Statement Win Over Buffalo; Sam Howell Scores More Fantasy Points than Josh Allen

Isn’t it nice to see that Howell was the QB1 in the 2022 class all along? Without Jordan Addison at Pittsburgh, there was no Kenny Pickett hype train. The rest of the class, including Brock Purdy, were all a bunch of guys with more experience than ability. The exception was Howell, who carried the Tarheels on his back in 2021, only to see pro scouts abandon the first-round pedigree he had earned as a sophomore. Eric Bieniemy is helping more people see how much of a dawg Howell really is.

Don’t buy into the Buffalo hype without acknowledging their shortcomings. Josh Allen is extremely prone to boneheaded mistakes, especially in the second half of games. The Commanders have a strong and opportunistic defense worthy of respect. The Bills lost to the Zach Wilson Jets and got a cupcake matchup with the pathetic Raiders at home. Howell and Washington are plenty good enough to “upset” Buffalo and keep their winning streak alive.

Jaxon Smith-Njigba and Kenneth Walker are Each Top-12 At Their Respective Positions; Andy Dalton‘s Panthers Fail to Score a Touchdown in Front of the 12s

West Coast sports live in the shadows for much of the country. Once again, Geno Smith is balling out, and we’re barely hearing whispers of his success in league circles. DK Metcalf is dealing with sore ribs, so stud rookie JSN will step up opposite Tyler Lockett against a young Panthers secondary. Carolina is also quite undersized up front and has been bullied by the run game through two games. Look for JSN and KW3 to feast in this contest.

Rookie top pick Bryce Young has been downgraded to doubtful for Sunday’s game with an ankle injury, thrusting the middest of mid QBs back into game action. Andy Dalton hasn’t been the “Red Rifle” in about a decade, so I’m not sure why some are lauding him as anything more than a “protect the rookie from himself” option. The Panthers have perhaps the worst receiving corps in the NFL, and the line has been abysmal in pass protection. Good luck, Andy. Seattle’s defense isn’t great, but they should have no trouble drowning the Panthers in Lumen Field’s high-decibel cacophony.