I am grateful every day that almost no one saw me on that one quarantine live stream. For those of you who took part or are about to have their memory jogged, I took part in a best ball draft in which we tried increasing heat levels of hot sauce every two rounds.

The sauce I had at the end of my rotation was one acquired from a local NorCal farmers market called “The End.” The only information found about The End was one site that rated it as the hottest hot sauce on the planet at six million Scoville Units. For reference, the hottest grown pepper is a Carolina Reaper at about three million SHU and pure capsaicin (pepper spray) is approximately 11 million SHU. Apparently, the only ingredients in this ominous 1oz bottle with an eyedropper lid were Carolina Reaper, vinegar, salt, and pure capsaicin extract. It tasted like disgusting metallic death and built on that with searing pain down my esophagus and instant flushing and sweating. I licked a stick of butter on a live video stream. Then, on the hottest mic imaginable from down the hall, my wretching at the feet of the porcelain altar was heard clear as day. I guess that’s it. It was the end. I need not ever try anything like that ever again.

Now that you undoubtedly feel differently about me than before, let’s dive into the Week 4 spice business. Week 3 had all sorts of fireworks I wish I could have predicted, but my own were off the mark. At least I was scooping Chargers and Dolphins weapons all offseason and managed my affairs well on the slate. Flying in like the Witch’s pterodactyl monkeys are some takes that will leave you gnashing your teeth and clenching both fists. Buckle in.

Bryce Young Torches Vikings for 300 passing yards and a Trio of Tuddies; Panthers Send Vikings to 0-4 By More Than a Touchdown

Sure, C.J. Stroud and Anthony Richardson have been much more impressive than the top overall pick from Alabama. Bryce Young can still ball. He is also practicing in full this week in a choice matchup with Minnesota’s feeble secondary. Young doesn’t have the best receiving corps, but has shown his elite football intelligence in flashes already this season. The Vikings can’t get out of their own way, so I believe this is an opportunity for the rookie QB to build confidence.

Elijah Moore Breezes Through Baltimore’s Banged Up Secondary and is a Top-12 WR; Lamar Jackson is Stifled by Browns Defense and Fails to Reach 15 Fantasy Points

One nice development this season is how the Browns are deploying Elijah Moore in the offense. Moore is such an explosive talent with the ball in his hands, so it’s no wonder Deshaun Watson has looked his way so often this young season. Baltimore has a strong overall defense, but have surrendered some big plays to the slot.

It has been an encouraging start to the campaign for Lamar Jackson in the Todd Monken offense. Unfortunately, the Cleveland defense has emerged as one of the league’s best through three games. This will be tough sledding for Baltimore and Jackson might be running for his life instead of toward the goal line.

Javonte Williams Explodes at Soldier Field for 160 Scrimmage Yards and Two House Calls; Broncos Score At Least One Touchdown on Defense or Special Teams and Get First Win

The Broncos just gave up 70 points last week. The funny thing is most would still consider the Bears defense to be worse. Denver has not shied from giving Williams plenty of work in his first games after ACL surgery, lending confidence that this cupcake frosting dream of a matchup could lead to a slate-breaking performance.

Jaguars Offense Finally Wakes Up and Drops 30 on Arthur Smith; Drake London and Kyle Pitts Combine to Earn 20 Targets in Close Loss for Falcons

Notice, I’m still too chicken to attach performance stat predictions with those incarcerated Falcons receivers. I do believe Jacksonville’s offense is on the verge of cutting loose and scoring a barrage of points. Detroit put some incredible tape on Atlanta last week. I also expect a better showing from Desmond Ridder against the Jags defense. The game is in London, so we’re sticking to a semi-scientific gospel that Kyle Pitts has a higher likelihood of scoring a touchdown since his first one was hauled in under Big Ben’s shadow. Drake London’s (home game?) usage this season has been unsavory and mind-boggling, especially in the wake of last week’s blowout loss. The Dirty Birds have to do better through their best weapons.

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