Perhaps my spiciest prediction in Week 1 was a 100-yard, two-touchdown tirade by Brandon Aiyuk in Pittsburgh. Check and check. As for the second half of that wild guess, a Steelers upset win over the 49ers is not even close. I’ve held to my promise to not victory lap unless the prediction is perfect since the genesis of this column three years ago. On to Week 2.

The other vow I’ve adhered to is not to water down how outlandish my takes are for a higher success rate. No mild sauce from the King of Spice. You have my word. Reading this column should feel like ordering “extra spicy” at a Thai restaurant without the fear that the chef is feeling homicidal. As always, sound off on the socials about your own hot takes, and let me know how you feel about mine. Let’s dig in…

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Travis Etienne Scores 25 PPR Points; Jags Send the Champs to a 0-2 Start

The Jaguars were going to give the Chiefs fits in this game, even if Travis Kelce was completely healthy. He is set to return from a bone bruise from a hyperextended knee, and it couldn’t be more obvious the team missed him last week. Detroit bullied Kansas City up front with the run game, while Patrick Mahomes looked listless and out of sync without his legendary top weapon. I expect Doug Pederson to go right after the edges with Etienne to challenge the Chiefs’ assignment discipline and lane integrity. He will feast, much like rookie Jahmyr Gibbs did with his limited looks on Kickoff Thursday. Kansas City cannot afford to look rusty at all against a playoff team in Jacksonville that looked very sharp in their Week 1 win.

Bijan Robinson and Tyler Allgeier Combine for Fewer Than 120 Scrimmage Yards; Packers Destroy Falcons by Double Digits

Arthur Smith need not explain his reasoning for putting together a winning game plan, even if it meant jilting the entire fantasy community. He notoriously has a tongue-in-cheek disdain for fantasy football, ranging from laughing that everyone would think Cordarrelle Patterson was on his fantasy team during a three-touchdown jaunt a couple of years ago to twisting the knife with an “I don’t care that my QB had more catches than my top WR” in Week 1. Just like with their blowout loss to the Bengals last year, Smith’s fake sharp air of smugness will blow up in his face against a good team. Green Bay will sell out and shut down that vaunted running game and force Atlanta to attempt passes beyond the line of scrimmage for a change. I hope this will mean solid production from Kyle Pitts and Drake London, but I’m guessing Smith’s ego and stubbornness will end up as a big loss and an aww-shucks presser.

Treylon Burks Dominates Chargers With WR1 (Top-12) Performance; Titans and Chargers Combine for 52 Points

DeAndre Hopkins was his usual dominant self in his Titans debut last week, earning 13 targets on the day. He also suffered an ankle injury that has held him out of practice all week. Even if Nuk is active, I am firing up the explosive Razorback Burks against the secondary that was ripped to shreds against the Dolphins last week. Speed gave the Chargers fits, and Burks is the only Titans receiver with any explosive traits at all. Kellen Moore’s debut as Chargers offensive coordinator was more run-heavy than his normal modus operandi. Expect Justin Herbert to air it out much more this week against a pass-funnel Titans defense. This will be another shootout game, with Burks providing the fireworks on Tennessee’s side.

Daniel Jones and Darren Waller are QB1 and TE1; Giants Bounce Back from Shutout Loss With 30-Point Outburst in Arizona

I’m still grinning when I think about the Sunday night shellacking put on Big Blue by my Cowboys. A 40-0 shutout in a road divisional rivalry game is as sweet as it gets, but I think the G-Men are better than that. They surrendered quite early when literally nothing went their way in the first half. Their slump-buster lands on their doorstep right away in the form of the rudderless, pathetic Arizona Cardinals. The Commanders played with their food before slamming the door last week. Daniel Jones and Darren Waller have a great rapport, and the only player protecting the Cards from being historically putrid at covering TEs is Isaiah Simmons, whom they traded to the Giants in the preseason. New York will enjoy this course correction to get them back on track this season.