Every person should have a place where they can go to put themselves in a better mind space. It might be a chair in the corner of a room where one can cozy up to a nice book to read. It might be a chaise lounge on the patio in which to lay out while wearing shades and a big hat. Hell, it might even be the second barstool from the left at a country club cantina, where they have your order ready when you arrive. I know my place…it’s in the kitchen. My moments of Zen come from putting my hands in the dough or honing one of my knives. Cutting vegetables for a stew stirs my soul. I have burn scars and callouses to remind me of how far I’ve come as a cook and how much I’ve grown as a person. I can stand the heat, so I will stay in the kitchen.

Football season returns to my neck of the woods in NorCal weeks before the brisk chill of Autumn. It’s still umbrella drinks and air conditioning around here, but the heat is where I thrive. Whether mixing up my hot sauce or growing habaneros in the garden, spice is my life. This is my third season predicting the improbable (but plausible) going-ons in the NFL. You might call it foolish and without substance. Others have described it as “bold and daring, with obnoxious hysterics if the crazy bastard nails one.” These are all accurate summations of my hot takes. I believe in each of them as a wild possibility that would be fun to see. Feel free to razz me on the socials without mercy. Step into my kitchen, boys and girls. It’s so great to be back.

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Fantasy Football Hot Takes: Week 1

Brandon Aiyuk (WR – SF) Goes Over 100 Yards and Scores Twice; Steelers Still Beat 49ers

I find the Brock Purdy-led 49ers to be the most overrated team in the NFL entering 2023. The seventh-round QB was showing some real regressive traits in the playoffs against defenses who had tape on him and were prepared. Pittsburgh’s defense is pretty stout up front and will challenge San Francisco to beat them through the air. Aiyuk is the best WR on the 49ers and will have a field day against the young corners across from him. Pittsburgh is a better-coached team and will prevail in a close one after forcing Purdy into multiple turnovers in the second half.

Kyle Pitts (TE – ATL) is TE1 on the Week; Falcons Narrowly Defeat Young’s Young Panthers

Has there been any one player who has seen more devaluing this offseason than Pitts? I can’t think of one. He is still The Unicorn and cannot be covered. Everyone who let him slip into the sixth and seventh rounds of fantasy drafts will immediately regret their misplaced apprehension. Desmond Ridder only needs to be adequate for this Falcons offense to score a lot of points. One positive trait that came through when scouting him out of Cincinnati was his bravado and placement with downfield passes. That’s Pitts’ game, and it will be massive this season, starting with their division rivals on Sunday.

Sam Howell (QB – CAR) Throws for 300 Yards, Rushes for 50, Scores Thrice in 20-Point Rout of Hapless Cards

Howell isn’t Tom Brady. He isn’t likely to put together a legendary career that pushes for enshrinement. What Howell can be is an above-average starting QB in the right situation. His situation this season is pretty stinking good. Eric Bieniemy is vying for a head coaching gig in the future and will pull out all the stops to get this newly liberated Washington franchise back on the map again. Howell is incredibly talented and will spend his entire career trying to stir regret in the teams that let him slip to the fifth round.

The Cardinals stink and have made a miserable effort to cloak their intentions to tank for the first overall pick in 2024. The defense jettisoned talented LB Isaiah Simmons last month and might do the same with Budda Baker before the trade deadline. The players and coaches might not be actively trying to lose, but the dearth of talent will supersede any of that effort. Watch for Howell to push the ball downfield early and often while tucking to run more than expected when things break down.

Javonte Williams (RB – DEN) Has Strong “Return to Form” Versus Raiders with 160 Scrimmage Yards; Vegas Fails to Find End Zone

The physical therapists I know all refer to a difference between “return to play” and “return to form” when describing skill players recovering from ACL injuries such as the one Javonte Williams sustained last season. What if Williams is built differently? His recovery has gone remarkably well, and he draws a cupcake matchup in Week 1. Where many fantasy managers have drafted in fear of a lull to start his comeback campaign, I have gobbled him up as my RB1 in ZeroRB builds without hesitation. I have some reservations that he will exhibit the same pre-injury burst right off the bat, but he might not need to run roughshod over Vegas’ putrid front.

I have no faith whatsoever in Jimmy Garoppolo outside of Kyle Shanahan’s perfect QB snow globe. This is doubly true against defenses as tough as the Broncos have. As long as Denver can contain Josh Jacobs, Jimmy G is dead meat against this secondary, with only Davante Adams to worry about running routes. This might be a Week 1 shutout in Sean Payton’s debut as head coach in the Mile High City.

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