It takes a lot to stand out these days. Life is a popularity contest, and we’re all scratching and clawing to earn recognition from peers and to have superlatives attached to our names.
Even at a small high school in a little hick town in Northern California, I wasn’t in the yearbook as the “best” or “most likely” to do anything. I was on the golf team and performed in show choir, but nothing was remarkable about those formative years. One thing that carried over from the early 2000s to today and only blossomed further was my unhealthy obsession with the sport of football. Studying game tape and losing myself in the artistry of the gridiron was a weird passion, according to everyone I knew.
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2023 NFL Combine Awards (2023 Fantasy Football)
The Friday night lights were bright in Cardinal Stadium, which seated more butts than my hometown’s population during the summer harvest. A good many professional athletes passed through Corning Union High School, especially relative to the limited opportunities to stand out in the Northern Sacramento Valley.
The world felt really big until I set out on my own and crossed the city limits. My obsession drew me to an entanglement in fantasy football, where data and film study collide into a mess of differing opinions and semantics. The world may never know which is more important in evaluating talent, but none of us are alone in dedicating our lives to trying to solve the puzzle. The football community is really quite small and insular, despite fielding its members from all over the map.
The NFL Scouting Combine is a pageant. Prospects are courted about, poked and prodded in hopes that they will earn superlatives and the opportunity to make millions of dollars. Many of the athletes will train specifically for the non-sequitur drills laid in front of them under the barn roof at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis. It’s absurd. Another description for the Combine is storyline fodder.
Based on their Combine performance alone, I have compiled some superlative awards to dish out for the Prospect Yearbook Class of 2023. They weren’t spinning plates, twirling batons or juggling. It’s running and jumping. Somehow, simulating practice helped confirm what was seen on actual game film. This goes out to the rookies in the name of world peace.
Most Likely to Succeed: Bijan Robinson (RB – Texas)
Call him Mr. Universe if you must. The all-world 5-foot-11, 215-pound RB out of Texas is already drawing comps to ball carriers enshrined in Canton. He looked exquisite in positional drills and ran a 4.46 in the 40. Bijan Robinson is the real deal.
Least Likely to Be Caught From Behind: DJ Turner (CB – Michigan)
John Ross‘ record of 4.22 in the 40 still stands, but Wolverine corner DJ Turner gave it a scare with a 4.26 of his own. Better not let this guy jump a route in the flat!
Rick James ‘Super Freak’ Award (TIE): Darnell Washington (TE – Georgia) & Nolan Smith (EDGE – Georgia)
There’s something in the water between the hedges in Athens. Darnell Washington is a massive TE who also ran the third-fastest 20-yard shuttle…among WRs! His Bulldog teammate Nolan Smith tore up the track with a 4.39 in the 40 at 6-foot-2 and 238 pounds. QBs are going to request he wears a bell so they have some warning when he’s barreling toward them off the blindside.
The Not-Sure-If-Human Award: Anthony Richardson (QB – Florida)
There have been big QBs before. We have also seen really athletic ones. There has never been a QB as big as Anthony Richardson with this kind of athleticism. The Gator signal caller ran a 4.43 in the 40 at 6-foot-4 and 244 pounds. He also set new QB records in the vertical and broad jumps and was slinging the rock with ease in positional drills. Will it translate to success at the next level? Opposing defenses are praying it won’t.
Most Likely to Squash Someone: Dawand Jones (T – Ohio State)
Nothing more to say other than that this guy is gigantic. The Buckeye tackle measured 6-foot-8 and 374 pounds. He has a condor wingspan with 36 3/8-inch arms, and his hands are like first baseman’s gloves at 11 5/8 inches. Let’s hope he can use his NFL salary to reimburse his parents for the grocery bill they accrued to feed this kid.
Van Halen JUMP Award: Jartavius Martin (SAF – Illinois)
The video of Fighting Illini safety Jartavius Martin performing his 44-inch vertical jump looks just as doctored as that viral clip of DK Metcalf. Except it’s real. What is it like to fly, Jartavius?
Most Inspirational Beefcake: Andrew Vorhees (G – USC)
In a scene ripped from a future motion picture, Trojan guard Andrew Vorhees showed up at the bench press station on crutches and wearing a heavy knee brace. He tore his ACL in drills but still mustered the strength to put his back on the bench and hoist the 225-pound barbell 38 times. Imagine once he has a child and unlocks that dad strength…
MC Hammer ‘Can’t Touch This!’ Award: Jaxon Smith-Njigba (WR – Ohio State)
Compared to the other dozen or so NFL WRs who have made the leap from Columbus, Jaxon Smith-Njigba is far from the fastest of them. Cooper Kupp famously said it’s more important to be quick than fast as a WR. JSN has game tape littered with the ashes of defensive backs who attempted to cover him. His 6.57 in the three-Cone and 3.93 in the 20-yard shuttle were both easily the fastest times of all players in attendance and illuminated JSN’s elite short-area quickness and agility. Something tells me his parents had to use one of those backpack leashes when he was a toddler. Dude is a nightmare to keep track of in coverage.
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