My internal organs still haven’t found their normal seats since Thanksgiving. My stomach is like Kramer’s oil bladder from that episode of Seinfeld. My liver just hates me. The extended holiday weekend turned into a smorgasbord of football and gluttony, mixed with sleep deprivation and more football. People like me wouldn’t have it any other way this time of year. A Jets QB won me money in DFS, while a fantasy-hating RB ripped my chances at the fantasy playoffs to shreds like they were the Seahawks’ defense.

Week 13 has a bit more holiday cheer to it. December is upon us, which means I’ll take my annual climb onto the roof to risk my life hanging sparkly lights. December also means fantasy football managers are preparing to lead their men into battle for league supremacy or wallow in a puddle of boozy eggnog. Either way, football will be on every screen throughout the house. I already plan on drowning out Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas Is You” with my noise-canceling headphones and the dulcet tones of Scott Hanson’s voice on RedZone. From hay bales to sleigh bells, here are the top fantasy football storylines for Week 13.

White Knight in Shining Armor

For at least one week, Mike White will have a spot on every VIP list in New York. His first start of 2022 came as the long-overdue replacement for one of the greatest draft busts in NFL history. His bar to impress us was alarmingly low, but he did a Fosbury Flop over it with a touchdown pass to disgruntled rookie phenom Garrett Wilson on the opening drive of the game…in the rain. Maybe it was the sick blackout uniform the Jets were donning in Week 12, but Mike White looked good out there. He was poised and accurate, something of a paradox for a Jets QB these days.

Before you dismiss his stellar performance as “propped up by YAC” or “it was the Bears,” remember that the Jets were already a playoff contender before they made this perfectly timed course correction. Even Zach Wilson‘s heinous QB play resulted in a 5-2 record this season. Only a date with the Buffalo Bills in Week 14 offers a tough matchup for fantasy QBs for the rest of the year, and even that defense has struggled lately. After what was witnessed on Sunday, it would not shock me one iota if Mike White was a league-winning fantasy streaming option.

Just Joshin’ Ya

Your RB1 overall in half-PPR formats is none other than the guy who told us not to draft him in fantasy, point blank. Most of us were dead wrong about reading all the preseason signs and tea leaves. Josh McDaniels had never previously supported having a bell cow RB in New England, instead opting for annoying committees. Josh Jacobs is third among all NFL RBs with a 74% snap share this season and logged a 79% share with 39 touches in his devastating 48.3-point outburst in Seattle on Sunday afternoon. He did suffer somewhat of a calf strain and is unlikely to practice much this week. Jacobs will likely push hard to suit up against the rival Chargers since they have one of the league’s most porous run defenses. The stars are aligned for Josh Jacobs to put forth his seventh top-10 performance in Week 13.

Bye, Son

What did the buffalo say to his calf when he dropped him off at school? Bye, son. The rookie Bison Christian Watson appears to have some gazelle in his lineage. Although his youth has certainly shown up on tape with drops and sloppy route running, so too has his game-breaking athleticism. Watson now has scored six touchdowns in his last three games, the latest on a simple crosser from Jordan Love that erased the very meaning of “taking an angle.” It remains to be seen whether many more of the rookie’s receptions will come from pending hall-of-famer Aaron Rodgers, but Christian Watson is the type of player that will drive fantasy managers insane. His peaks and valleys will be simultaneously thrilling and devastating. We could see some more incredible plays from Watson this week, as the Packers visit Soldier Field and the same Bears defense that got shredded by Mike White and Garrett Wilson. He could also completely fade into darkness. Stay tuned to find out.

If Steve Young and Dan Marino Had a Baby…

The Miami Dolphins are a legitimate Super Bowl contender; change my mind. If it wasn’t enough that they are 8-0 with Tua Tagovailoa at the helm, their once-gettable defense has stiffened considerably over the past couple of weeks. Mike McDaniel should already be the unanimous Coach of the Year, but he will cement that fate this weekend when the ‘Phins take on his former team from the Bay. Tua has been an unstoppable force as a passer and is the QB8 in fantasy points per game. My spicy prediction that this offense would outscore the Buffalo offense is not quite true, but the gap is narrowing. McDaniel has this team clicking and thriving as a unit. The unstoppable force meets the immovable object on Sunday, with former colleagues McDaniel and DeMeco Ryans clashing in a battle of elite units. I prefer the side with the most accurate QB and most unstoppable WR in the NFL.